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The Great Texas Dildo Wars of 2008
By Amanda Marcotte, Pandagon. Posted March 7, 2008.

I'm trying to imagine the mindset of a man who doesn't realize that when you try to take dildos away from women, basically everyone with a brain and/or a sense of humor is going to assume it's because you're afraid you can't handle the competition.

But I am routinely reminded that we face opposition to sexual liberation, the most prominent face of which is the anti-abortion movement that protests clinics and waves bloody fetus signs from street corners. That movement is made up of people who claim to be in it not because they are misogynists who fear female sexuality, nor because they are control freaks who can't stand the idea of someone else having fun. They are in it, they say, because they want to save the unborn babies.
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I realize it's hard to see how a woman masturbating with a dildo is a secret form of abortion. But we promise, this is about the babies and life and stuff. You see, dildos are just so big, and if you stick one up yourself and you've got a fertilized egg banging around in there and don't know it, you could just jostle the little fella and knock him right out. Or at least give the little guy quite a scare. There's no such threat coming from the average wingnut penis, so no need to ban those. Sure, you people with your science and stuff might think that it's impossible to scare a brainless ball of cells, but you have to understand that the good Lord provides little angels for an embryo, so they can have all the feelings of fear and prayerfulness and resentment of women's liberation that born wingnuts feel -- at least until the embryos have developed brains and can be trained in Sunday school to hate women all on their very own.

The Great Texas Dildo Wars
Texas May Have Caucuses...But still no dildos
Texans, set your vibrators to go